These are truly the shitty times
I’ve been lying here for hours.
There’s nothing to stare at-
But the light-
And in my stare it cowers.
Everything is sharp, then blurred
Depending on the clock
It beats double quick
When the sun peeps in
And half as slow when I watch.
Memories flickering like candlelight
frantic flies trapped in my head
I once was a child
I must have been
I must have known something else
The boy I fucked at fourteen
Had dirt around his ears
Total silence
Before and after
Poor payment, in arrears.
Mamma didn’t sing lullabies
Put a gun in her mouth instead.
If I think too much
about that sound
then I would join her there.
Who has sat in my seat today?
I always take the same bus
the driver might wonder
where is that girl?
but that’s as far as it ever goes